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Lagerkapo
I am you, everything, nothing at all and somewhere in between a whisper and a doubt.

Age 54, Male

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Ashen 4

Posted by Lagerkapo - September 4th, 2008


I fed the cat.

And the instant the tuna fish entered the cat's mouth, everything I knew, my whole life, past present and future, and the infinite expanse of infinitesimalisms that are the range of my true existence all flashed before me. It was but a moment, but a dream, a mind-shattering hallucination, but it was real. It was a moment that lasted a trillion trillion lifetimes, constantly becoming broader and broader, yet at the same time more and more emersive. It was like smoking DMT while on Ayahuasca and MAOI's, just multiplied by itself to the infinite power and with NO doubt about the results of the experiment.

Scientists say that when you get sucked into a black hole time, to you, slows at an exponential pace, eventually stopping after an objective instant but a subjective eternity. I was in a white hole. A black hole whose nothingness was instead everythingness.

When I found myself back on the street, looking into the eyes of that dreaded homeless man, they were different eyes. It was the EXACT same moment that I'd left that I returned. Even someone who could read minds and see utter truth could not have discerned the instant of change. His eyes, though, knew. He was there the whole time, laughing, driving the experience forever on.

"Ashen."

"What did you call me?"

"You are Ashen. You are me."

"No, I am ME. What the fuck is an Ashen, and what the fuck did you do to me?"

"You, Ashen, are Ashen. You are the remaining embers of the fire that once fueled everything. You are here for a reason."

"And what might that purpose be? What did you do to me?"

"You, Ashen, are to rekindle the flame, to guide us ten to utter infinity."

"Is this a dream? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME??!?!"

"Dreams, Ashen, have always been your weakness. You are susceptible to untruth when you are susceptible to yourself."

"Are you going to tell me what the FUCK just happenned?"

"You saw your version of what I see. What you saw was a microcosmic imitation of infinity. The closest approximation that you could presently make ANYTHING of. You must first ACCEPT your inverse infinity, truly UNDERSTAND it before you can do anything important."

"Ok. Sure. And what does the cat have to do with anything?"

As I asked him this, I felt the most harrowing tingle climb out of my spine and into the entirety of my body.

"The cat, my conversationary companion, means nothing. It does not exist. It was merely a test of your susceptibility to influence. You have been corresponding for quite some time now with something, have you not?"

I stuttered for an answer. I know that SOMETHING's been trying to influence me, I just can't remember.

"In... In my dreams?"

"Yes, Ashen, in your dreams. Do you know what you've been talking to?"

"Enlighten me."

"Yourself. Your TRUE self. Micheal, Ashen, The Entity, Myself, we are ALL ONE."

"If that's so, than why, assuming you're right, do the parts view the whole subjectively?"

"Micheal, I cannot answer that question. 'I' am merely a part of this... machine. I know no more than you why anything is, just that it IS and that I find and follow meanings, as is my function."

There was then nothing. Everything ceased to be. Nothingness is imperceptible, and utterly so. It's like getting knocked out; all you remember is waking up somewhere else. In my case I woke up chained to a bed.


Comments

Cool.